Lost Words
by misanthrope1
Summary: When England disappears, no one knows what happened or where he could be. Canada and America are determined to find out what happened and save England. Various pairings mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

_Canada_

_ There is so much I should apologize for, so much I should have told you. I tried, in so many ways, and I know you feel cheated. You're right, I did pay more attention to your brother while you two grew-not because he was better or even better liked-he made the most noise and needed the most attention. Anyone who has raised any living creature be it children, dogs, cats or nations can tell you that-the loud troublemaker gets the attention-the well behaved quiet one does not._

_ Do you remember yelling at me right before you got your freedom, yelling about how I forgot you and why I never remembered you despite the fact you were always there? I had no explanation, nothing to say besides "I'm sorry." And then I went home and thought. I have an answer, Matthew, pitifully late though it is. You never asked for one but you should have it._

_ You've probably read the bible-I've read several versions and while I believe nothing in it, it does have interesting stories. Remember the Prodigal Son? That's what started me on the quest for your answer. You remind me of the good son, the one who fulfilled all his father's expectations and still got nothing. I reread that story, went out and walked around, and spent days and nights puzzling over myself, you, the other former colonies, and then, on a rainy night after a phone call from you wishing me a happy day, I understood. _

_ I never really forgot you, Canada. Not ever. I just-well, how do I explain this? You were always there. You fought beside me, a stalwart companion. You gave me everything. And I don't want you to think I took that for granted although I'm sure you thought I did. You were-are-my right arm, my back. Canada, I never worried about my back with you there. You were part of me, so much so that I trusted you utterly. You were certainly individual but still part of me and not like a colony. You were my trusted friend-one of the very few I considered friends. I never worried about betrayal from you. _

_ And, Matthew, you were my favorite._

_ Oh, I know you'll bring up your brother. While America had an amazing part of me, he isn't family like you. Yes, I liked and got along with other nations. And yes, I cared very much for all my former colonies and all the commonwealth. Some were my children, some my comrades, some my allies. Even so, three stood out. While I'd never say so, Australia, India, and you shine like stars. India, lovely lady who is so refined and strong. Australia, so much the mischief maker and yet so sane when he wants to be. And you. You stubborn gentleman, the man I wish I could have been. Kind, mannered, gentle and underneath brave, strong and incredibly thoughtful. Don't think you are perfect-none of are-but if any nation could be perfect, you come closest to the ideal. _

_ And yet, I never could tell you. We remained friends, became closer, and through it all, I told myself never to forget your name or you again. And I did pretty well. Yet, I still saw so many times you simply didn't understand all that you meant to me and I, land of Milton, land of Shakespeare, never could find the words. So I knew at times you got angry still, argued with me and I despaired. Despaired because even a dolt like America seemed to get it and you, bright, wise, clever Canada, did not. It appeared I wasn't the only one who could be blind. Perhaps both you and Alfred learned that from me. That's the only thing I can think of._

_ It simply comes down to this, Matthew. You who sees everything so well, why couldn't you see this? Perhaps America did have my heart like you always claimed. But if that's the case, why couldn't you see it was you who held my soul?_

Canada straightened the parchment with shaking hands. Slowly, he reread the letter again and then glanced at the box where three more letters sat, one marked India, another Australia, the last America. Gently, he took each letter , skimmed them, and put each carefully back when he was done. Each somewhat like his but none bearing the same statements. Canada picked up his letter and began reading it again, to memorize each word.

America stepped into the filthy tunnel and frowned. "Canada?" he called. No one answered yet he walked forward and frowned at the sound of-sobs?

He walked swiftly to where he found his brother, crouched over a small, fireproof box. "Maddie?"

Canada looked up, his normally soft eyes hard ice despite being rimmed in red. "We need to find England."

America slowly stepped back. "We will, bro. Promise." He exhaled. He could feel something in Canada he did not like in the least. It was the same feeling he felt when they had battled in 1812, the same expression Canada wore a few times in World War One and Two, the expression that made Germany always go silent and pale. "What did you find? Is it a clue to where he could be?"

Canada shook his head. "England's letters. In case he died." Canada carefully picked up the box. "We have to find him, America." His voice cracked. "I need to tell him some things."

"Are you all right?" America grasped his brother's shoulder. Canada blinked at him.

"I miss him." The words came out very soft.

America looked away, felling his stomach clench. "Me, too," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

_America_

_Stubborn, stupid, dolt, god, I swear at times, it would have been better had I let France have you. You enraged me, drove me to desperation so many times, and then repaid my awkward but always sincere affections with a snarl, a rebellion, and a tryst with France. Oh, yes, I knew you were lovers. That, I think, tore me apart. I thought it was the worst pain until I realized you blamed me for your taxes and problems. You blamed me. Not my boss, not wars with Francis, but me. And then you went after your brother to spite me (France's doing again, I know), and you cracked open wounds no one should ever receive. I swore to never let you in again._

_But you came in anyway. Like a persistent pup, you pushed and howled and fought until I realized, with both horror and wonder, that you were a friend. And more feelings crept in and you became so much more. I fumbled every time-I ran, I shouted, I chased and I tried to show you just what was happening. You had entered my heart and I, once powerful, once strongest empire on Earth, had given you the tenderest part of me, all unwitting. And you, ignorant, simple, blind Alfred, stood there and never knew just what you had. You claimed to be a hero and were and are, so much more than most people knew. You're kind, sweet, incredibly stupid at times but always brave and even if your bosses were jerks, you have been gallant and, actually charming. You are so young, so strong and as I knew the temptations and problems of power, I waited. I watched and tried to be patient. Even with your disastrous affair with Ivan, I gritted my teeth, knowing you would someday soon understand. We became allies and friends and in my secret hopes, I knew we'd be more someday._

_Someday never came. _

_Yet, it's all right. Painful but all right. i have a soul keeper, a fun maker, a touch of grace, and my heart is with the the person it should be with. It, at least, gets some use with you. Before you, because it had been so damaged so many times, I stopped using it with anyone save my fey friends. Guard it well, Alfred. It's the best of me and I trust no one else with it._

America shook, the parchment rattling so loud Canada looked up in annoyance. His face softened as America wiped his eyes fiercely. "America?"

"Did you know?" America stared at the letter.

Canada bit his lip. "Know what?"

"That Arthur loved-loves me. Romantically."

Canada nodded. "Most of us know."

America squeezed his eyes shut. "Why didn't you_ tell_ me?

Thoughts and retorts tumbled through Canada's mind. Everything from "Well, duh, bro, anyone could see it!" to "I don't run your love life, Al." In the end, he sighed wearily. "Why didn't you tell me that Arthur saw me as his best friend?"

America jerked his head up, eyes opening wide. "What?"

"His best friend…"

America nodded impatiently_. "You didn't know?_ Jesus, Mattie, he bragged about you and practically lived in your back pocket. 'I wonder what Matthew would think'. 'I hope Canada understands'. 'Canada is always there for me'. Frankly, he always conferred and exchanged ideas with you. Who else did he call at 2:00 am to discuss things with?"

"But he never said things like that to me. No, I didn't know. And why didn't you see his goggly eyes at you?"

America reddened. "I don't know," he muttered. "He always seemed so angry so much of the time."

You hold his heart." Canada picked up his cellphone.

"So he said," America muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Calling the Commonwealth. We've sat around long enough. I'll also get the G8 together."

America snorted. "Call a world meeting, bro. Let's find him. Germany may have a tiff but fuck this 'It's an EU worry' crap. The EU isn't finding England."

Canada looked briefly hesitant then smiled. "I know just who to call."


	3. Chapter 3

Australia paced around his large house, occasionally poking at his Iphone or staring out the window. When his phone actually buzzed, he jerked and his brows drew together. He grabbed the phone hurriedly. "Yo, Canada, what's going on? Any news from Mum?"

"Not yet. Australia, Germany isn't able to do anything."

"That's not news."

"So we need to." Australia heard an odd force in Canada's voice and slowly he stilled. The gentle Northern nation rarely sounded strong at all and Australia was intrigued.

"What do you want?"

"Can you meet us at England's house? America is here."

"What?"

"America. He's with me."

Australia shook his head fiercely then realized Canada couldn't see him. "I mean, how do we get into England? The country is basically locked down and no one can get into his house. Are you saying you did?"

Silence. Then a "Yes?"

"Well, congratulations then. No one else can. and if you're thinking of taking over England just because Mum has briefly gone on walkabout, I will shove a…"

"Cody! I am not invading, ok?" Canada yelled. "Just get here. You can get in, I think."

"Think? Well, fine. I'll grab New Zealand..."

"No! Just you, Australia. It's what England would want. Just you."

"What the hell is going on, mate?"

"Get here."

Australia stared at the phone. Canada had just hung up on him. Canada never hung up on anyone. Australia grabbed his hat, snatched up his sleeping koala and headed out.

Like America, he enjoyed flying his own jet. He briefly toyed with the idea of calling France-after all, he needed to land somewhere, but decided against it and hoped the much older nation simply wouldn't mind him landing at one of his airports. No nation could land in England itself-not even Scotland or Ireland could get past the borders. Humans could get in and out but every nation that tried to visit had been violently repelled. So how had America and Canada gotten in? And especially, how had they gotten into England's house?

He landed his jet at one of France's smaller airports then hurriedly rented a car. France was going to have a fit over this. He grinned.

In the Chunnel, as he neared England, he told his Koala to play plushie and swallowed hard as the customs gatehouse and England's border neared. He could feel-something. Like a shimmer of electricity, a barrier of terror glittered in front of him. Australia didn't muck about with magic. Oh, he knew the Dreamtime but no real nation messed about with magic except backwards ones-and England. Australia felt prickles enter his every pore-and then the heaviness vanished.

The sky, dark and grey, couldn't keep his heart from soaring. He passed through customs cheerily, grabbed some fish and chips from a drive through eatery, and raced towards England's house. _I suppose I should have called my boss. Ah, well, she'll be fine._

Canada and America both waited outside the house. Australia stopped, grabbed his koala, (who chirred at Canada, obviously wondering where the polar bear was) and stepped out into the damp air. "What's going on?" Australia demanded.

"Come on," Canada said, opening the door. America eyeballed Australia then shrugged and Australia ground his teeth. While he didn't hate the superpower, they didn't get along well. England had once said they were too much alike and while Australia vehemently denied it, part of him uneasily wondered if it could be true.

He set his koala down on the floor and Canada absently said "Kumajiro is in the parlor." The koala scurried off.

"What's going on, Canada?" Australia demanded.

"We found letters from england."

Australia's heart skipped a beat. "What kind of letters?"

"Good bye letters," America said shortly.

"Al, they're not quite that, " Canada admonished.

"He could have actually told us, Mattie!"

"What are you talking about?"

Canada thrust an envelope into his hand.

_Australia_

_Dear crazed Australia_

_Stop your bloody koala from eating my sofa, all right? Hell, man, that creature is worse than your dingo or bloody giant spiders. Anyway, where do I start with you? Some words don't come easy and ones for you never did. You entered my life at a time when I was flush with power, money, and strength-and so utterly alone. And for once, someone didn't hate or resent me. That was a miracle._

_Trying to educate you was far more than difficult. You infuriated me so many times but always, always you made me laugh. You brought something in my life I don't ever really recall having-mischief and fun. And as you matured, I knew oh, yes, you would be one of the rare ones. I explained to Canada I had four people who truly had changed, shattered, and held my life in their hands. You, dear Cody, are one. Why, I sometimes wondered. Between Mum and Gramps, between yelling at me and then dragging me to barbecues, you spun my head like a top._

_You and the others were new and shiny but that wasn't it. by god, Australia, you grew up and enjoyed yourself. Of, you could be serious-wartime showed me just how powerful and deadly you could be-but you savor life and all it holds and oh, I envied that. Even youth didn't explain the vigor, the sheer exuberance you hold. You drove me insane but I loved every minute of it._

_You resented that I tried to "America" you (As if I needed another America in my life!-one was more than enough) and you were family as few others became. You were the one I looked to when the pain became too much, when fun and sparkle were only words. And I loved you. So bloody much. You took me on adventures and guided me on quests. And even though you hated me, oh, so much sometimes I felt it across the oceans, I cared for you. You, Canada, India-you all stayed as family and that meant the world to me. As power dwindled, you still made me smile. I care for all my former colonies. But not like this. America, Canada India, you-You became spirit and light for me and in that role you never let me down._

_If I never thanked you, I do it now. Thank you for being my star in the gloom. Thank you for the smiles. And thank you for being with me in the good times and the bad._

_Stay bold, Cody. It suits you and you make me so very proud. Keep your siblings close and know, while I made so many mistakes, you were never one of them._


	4. Chapter 4

Australia looked at the letter again then at Canada and America. "He wrote you two as well?" Canada nodded. "It appears Mum liked secrets." Australia carefully folded his letter. "Would have been bloody nice to know that I made a difference BEFORE he up and left!"

"Australia, he did what he could. He probably thought we understood him," Canada reasoned.

"Understood him?! Who understands him, Canada? And now he leaves us letters that are supposed to make us feel better because he didn't have the guts to tell us before?"

"He has a point," America said.

"Stop it, Al."

"Like you have to worry, lover boy," Australia snapped. "I can just imagine what he told you."

"Cody!" Canada said.

"And you-you were his confidant, his favorite son. He probably left you his nation, too!"

"Stop complaining, Australia, god." America glared. "You always were a baby."

"Big talk from someone who went running to Mum every time he went to war."

"ENOUGH!"

Canada slammed his fist on a table and the wood cracked. "England is over 1000 years old. He knows and has known thousands of nations. Look at that box! Of all those people, he wrote four-FOUR-of us. And this is what you two fight about?"

Australia and America glanced at each other then the floor. Australia inhaled.

"Sorry," Australia said. "Stupid man never said…"

Canada touched his arm. "I know."

Australia looked at America who was staring at the wall. "You and Mum never….?"

America flinched. "I never knew how he felt."

"Crikey, mate, are you blind?"

"He never told me. And who's blind, Cody? Everyone knew England doted on you."

"Ha! That's why he sent convicts to my lands!" Australia inhaled. "So what's the plan?"

"Al and I have looked around all we can. I was going to call the Commonwealth and G8 but Al said World meeting."

Australia grinned. "Ludwig won't like that. Did you tell him yet?"

"No," America said. "He doesn't run the world despite what he thinks."

"So where are we holding it?"

Canada sighed. "It should be in Europe. Arthur's part of Europe and they are the most worried save us."

America rolled his eyes. "Yeah, so worried. So worried they didn't even notice England was missing until you and I told them, Mattie."

"Hey, New Zealand and I knew," Australia reminded. A loud ring and Australia grabbed his phone. "G'day mate! Oi, France, what's all this? You know I don't speak that lingo." He winked at Canada. "Course I landed there! World meeting, mate! I have to get here early." Canada groaned and Australia grinned wider at France's screams. "Why, you are, of course! Weren't you told? What hotel are we in anyway? How should I know what Germany is planning? I'm told we have a World Meeting, I show up. It's probably about England. Look, just where are we meeting? Fine, call me later." He turned off his phone. "OK, so we're meeting in France."

"He bought that?" America asked.

"He will," Australia said. "Let me call New Zealand and some others."

"I'll call the rest of the Commonwealth, " Canada said. "Al, call Mexico and the South American nations, please."

"Sure. Tell India we need to meet with her first."

"Why?" Australia asked.

Canada touched the box. "She needs her letter, too."


	5. Chapter 5

_My dearest India,_

_How does I say thank you for all you have done? You have been not just a dear colony but a friend and colleague. From the beginning when you stared at me with your large, wise eyes, I knew you would make it but I wondered how you would change from my instructions. Funny how I didn't think how you would change me._

_You were such a bright student. I loved teaching you and watching you grow, absorbing all you could. I was amazed you were such a willing pupil-I never guessed that behind your serene face you harbored such a hate for me. Oh, I know you cared-and still do-for me. But as you grew, I never imagined the rage you carried. As you grew, you taught me, in many painful ways, that you were amazingly clever and absolutely the equal to any nation, older or not. You made me think and despair and wonder. One moment you would be screaming at me, the next bringing me tea. You became a master at the barbed comment, the sly witticism, and surviving your "teen years" nearly destroyed me. _

_Yet, how close we became. You were one of my few family members who loved intellectual challenges as much as I and when we talked or debated, your eyes would glow with pleasure when you could outwit me. You wanted to know about history and science and everything. As you aged, you passionately implored me to free you, that you were grown. Losing you was like losing my arm but you stayed with me, helped me. You even teasingly called me father a few times. _

_indira, darling, you have been with me so long. I envied you your connection to your peoples, the genuine affection with you and your siblings. Now that you have become so strong, so powerful, I am amazed how you retained those connections, even winning over America with your intelligence and steely gentleness.I admit I didn't expect that relationship and I was startled it lasted as long as it did. _

_You have a deep fire of kindness and intelligence, Indira. Never lose that, never. You will need it in the years to come. You, Canada, and Australia will lead the family-if the family can stay together, that is. You challenged my mind every time we met and in return, you made me both smarter and much more humble. And if I never showed it much, I loved and cared deeply for you._

_Be safe, India. Be as wise as I know you can be. And remember me fondly._

india slowly folded the letter then looked to where Australia, Canada, and America were watching Canada's polar bear and Australia's koala wrestle. America looked over. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"England is a foolish man," India stated in a clipped tone. "Where did you find these?"

"One of his houses," Canada replied.

India started. "No one can cross into England. How did you?"

Canada shrugged. "America, Australia, and I were there. I don't know if anyone else can. England only wrote letters to us four."

India blinked in shock. "But what about his brothers? France?"

"Just us," America said.

"So what are you planning?"

Canada looked over at her, his face still and India instinctively stepped back. "We're finding him," Canada simply said.

"And why?" Now all three nations stared at her. India shrugged her shoulders. "He has chosen to leave. Why should we find him?"

"Because it's Mum," Australia snapped. "And he needs us."

"He abused us," India said, her heart thumping loudly.

"He made us," Canada corrected. "None of us would be who we are without him. Some bad, yes, but a lot of good as well."

"You're his best friend, " India said. "Of course you want him found. BUt Australia, why you? Or America?"

Australia's pale green gaze nearly scorched her. "Because I'm not a disloyal twit," he snapped. "You have this huge chip on your shoulder, Indira, and always whined that Mum didn't treat you right. No wonder you and America get along so well. Abused you, hell. England cosseted you."

"Stop calling him that ridiculous name! Yes, I care for England but if he chooses to leave, oh, well. We don't need him."

"It's not need," America said. His normally warm blue eyes were ice. "We're finding him, India. And whoever hurt him is going to pay."

India shivered. Every nation knew how violently lethal America got when he felt wronged. "Just leave her," Australia said, disgust dripping from every word. "England obviously made a mistake thinking she was family."

"I am family," India reminded. "I am part of the commonwealth. America isn't."

"Yeah but England is in love with him," Australia said. "So he's kind of our step father."

"What?" America blurted, looking stunned.

"Ew," Canada muttered.

Australia looked at Canada as France swept over. "Your turn, mate."

Canada smoothly intercepted France and the two began a loud discussion in French. America looked at India. "Are you with us?" he asked.

"I will help if I can. What do you think you can do that the European countries have not? " India asked.

"I-We are finding England. Mattie, Cody, and I have ideas."

Australia spotted Russia walking into the room. He plucked up his koala, set him on his shoulder, and headed over to the pale, tall nation. Russa smiled. "Good afternoon, Australia. Are you seeking to join Mother Russia?"

"Ah, no. I do have a quick question." Australia glanced around, gestured to a corner. Russia followed him, bemused. "England. Do you know where he is?"

Russia's eyes widened. "_Nyet_. Why would you think i would? England and I are not friends."

Australia nodded. "I know that. But you and he had an affair or two." Australia breathed into Russia's cool scent. "I know about what happened in the 50s, Ivan. After you and America broke up in 1949."

Russia gazed at him. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I found England after one of your rendezvouses. I helped him-clean up. After that, I put the pieces together. He made a deal with you. You and he played around, golden boy stayed safe."

Russia slowly smiled. "America? He was but part of it. " He leaned close, breathed along Australia's neck. "Canada, America-it was a stupid deal but I did have-how do you say-a good time? England is very strong, do you know that? He hates to scream. And when he does, it sounds like angels."

Australia violently yanked away. "Sick bastard," he said. "If you had anything to do with his disappearance…"

"And what, little man?" Russia sneered. "You will attack me with your kangaroo? I will tell you this, England is not with me. Perhaps you should look to Europe. He has enough enemies there-he is black sheep, _da?_"


End file.
